The Only Man for Her Read online

  He regained his patented solemn demeanor. “A few people around here would firmly disagree, and justifiably so. I spent most of my adult life buying up the town in an attempt to fill the void that remained after I lost your mother. I’ve left quite a few casualties in my wake, and I’m going to try to rectify that before I leave Placid.’’

  If love could give a jaded millionaire back his humanity, anything was possible. “Are you going to sell the bank?”

  “No. I want to keep it for my future grandchildren. But I do hope you’ll consider overseeing the operations as president.”

  She’d never even considered running the bank. The task seemed extremely daunting, even if she hadn’t been facing the possibility of divorce and a very real pregnancy. “Dad, I worked as a teller the summer before college, and that’s the sum total of my banking experience. I’m just not qualified to do that.”

  “You’re my daughter, Rachel,” he said. “You have a minor in accounting and a head for good business. I have no doubt you’ll catch on.”

  For the time being, she’d bring out a good excuse before she refused him altogether. “Right now I have to concentrate on the baby.”

  He took her hand into his. “Of course you do. You also need to concentrate on repairing your marriage. As much as I despised that young man for taking you away from me before I was ready, he’s proven through the years how much he loves you. He’ll love his child, too, the minute he holds him or her in his arms. It only takes one smile to win a man’s heart.”

  That deserved another hug. “Thank you, Daddy.”

  He look totally taken aback. “I believe the last time you called me ‘Daddy’ you were still wearing braces.”

  She smiled. “Sometimes little girls need their daddies, even when they’re grown.”

  And sometimes grown women needed their husbands, whether they wanted to or not. She had the urge to run to Matt now. To tell him about their baby and that she was sorry. But she had something she needed to do first. Somewhere she needed to be. A place where she’d learned to cope with loss. She needed to relearn those lessons tonight, in case she lost her husband for good.

  * * *

  AFTER DRIVING ALL NIGHT, Matt had spent most of the day trying to get some sleep. But as soon as he’d dozed off, thoughts of Rachel and her condemnation had jarred him awake. So had the dreams that had plagued him for months. Images of his son that he would never forget.

  After calling the sheriff’s department to say he’d be coming by soon, Matt took a hot shower and choked down a peanut-butter sandwich. The bottle of whiskey called to him like a bad-intentioned friend, but he managed to ignore it. He couldn’t confront his father with booze on his breath while he lectured on the evils of alcohol.

  By the time he pulled into the county jail’s parking lot, he’d pretty much rehearsed what he wanted to say. He had a list of demands for his dad, along with one major ultimatum—get clean or get out of his life.

  He opened the glass door to find the sheriff waiting for him at the front desk. “Sorry to see you under these circumstances, Matt,” Buck said as he stuck out his beefy hand for a shake.

  Not as sorry as he was. “Where is he?”

  Buck pointed toward a hall to Matt’s right. “In the visitors’ room. Not much going on here, so you should have some privacy.”

  “And he’s okay?”

  “Better than he’s been in a long time. He had a few rough patches, but he survived them.”

  “Chase told me about that. I appreciate the two of you looking after him.”

  “You can thank my son for that. Chase watched him like a hawk for a good twenty-four hours.”

  It gave him some comfort to know he could still rely on his friends, and he’d damn sure need them in the days to come after the divorce was final. “Can I see him now?”

  “Sure thing.”

  He followed Buck to a heavy door where he keyed in a code. But before they walked into the hall beyond that door, the sheriff faced Matt again. “The tough part’s only beginning. He’s going to need a lot of support from here on out. He needs to attend AA meetings on a regular basis and he’ll need a sponsor. I’d be willing to take that on.”

  As far as he knew, a sponsor usually came in the form of another recovering alcoholic. “I don’t mean to offend you, but are you qualified to do that?”

  “More than qualified.” Buck passed a hand over the back of his neck. “When I was in the army, I injured my back during a training exercise. After I came home, they gave me some newfangled painkillers and I got hooked. I knew I had to stop, but I sure as hell didn’t know how. Luckily, I had a best friend who made me see the light and helped me get clean and sober. He’s an arrogant son of a bitch now, but he wasn’t always that way. After his wife died, he got high on power. He got worse when his baby girl ran off and married a down-home country boy.”

  Surely he didn’t mean… “Are you talking about my father-in-law?”

  Buck opened the door. “The one and only. He helped me organize meetings, and to this day, he still lets the former addicts meet in a back room at the bank.”

  “I’ll be damned. I never knew any of that was going on.”

  “And I’m going to trust you won’t say anything to anyone. We’ve got a close-knit bunch of people who’ve been gathering for a while now. We rely on each other as a group, and I wouldn’t want to have to disband after all this time if word got out.”

  Hell, he wondered how many addicts resided in Placid, right under his nose. Then again, maybe he didn’t want to know. “It’s a small world in this small town.”

  Buck grinned. “You’ve got that right. We’re twined together as tightly as barbed wire. So much so I refuse to look into my family tree for fear my wife could be a first cousin.”

  He had to laugh over that one. “No way that’s the case with me and Rachel. My blood’s red where hers is blue.”

  “You’re both lucky that social divide hasn’t been a problem for the two of you. It takes a solid marital foundation to support those differences. I’m proud of you kids.”

  It was fairly obvious Buck didn’t know about their recent situation, and he wasn’t going to enlighten him now. “So the group thing works, huh?”

  “Yeah, it does,” he said. “Nothing better than commiserating with people who personally know the hell you’ve been through.”

  In that moment Matt gained some understanding as to why Rachel had gone the grief-support route. He still wasn’t convinced it would work for him. “I’m going to do my best to persuade Ben to give it a try. And speaking of Ben, let’s get this over with.”

  Buck led him through the corridor and opened a door to his left. “I’ll be outside if you need me, but I doubt he’ll give you any trouble.”

  That remained to be seen. He entered the room where his father sat at a small table, his hands folded on the metal surface, head lowered. Matt took the chair opposite him and decided to go slowly with the lecture. “How are you feeling?”

  “I’ve been better, but I’ve been worse, too.” When his dad finally looked up, Matt was shocked to say the least. His blue eyes were clearer than they’d been in years, but not exactly bright. “I don’t blame you if you hate me, son.”

  Funny, he’d figured his dad would hate him for not bailing him out. “I don’t hate you, Dad. But I can’t do this anymore. I won’t stand by and watch while you kill yourself.”

  “I know,” he said quietly. “Your mama wouldn’t want that, either.”

  That was a good sign of progress. “No, she wouldn’t. Not when she struggled every day to live.”

  “Until the last day when she finally gave up and left me.”

  Of all the self-absorbed… “She was sick, Dad. She had the worst form of MS and no control over it whatsoever.”

  “She took control over the disease, son, when she…” He rubbed both hands over his face.

  It wasn’t like his dad not to complete a sentence when he was sober. “When she w
hat?”

  “It doesn’t matter. It’s done. I couldn’t stop her.”

  Matt took a minute to process what Ben could be hinting at. “And you can’t stop there and leave me hanging. You finish what you were going to say, dammit.”

  His dad leaned back in the chair, that same old sorrow in his eyes. “When she asked me to leave the pills on the nightstand with the top off, I knew what she was going to do. God help me, I knew when I got home that afternoon she’d be gone.”

  Suicide? The concept was too unbelievable, too staggering for Matt to grab on to. “You’re wrong, Dad. She wouldn’t have taken her own life. She wouldn’t have done that to us.”

  “She did, Matt. She’d begged me a few weeks before to help her end the suffering. Like the selfish bastard I was, I kept clinging to her because I couldn’t stand the thought of living without her. But that morning, when she couldn’t even be touched without crying out, I knew it was only a matter of time before she was gone anyway. So I kissed her goodbye, told her I loved her and I let her go.”

  And since that day, the guilt had been eating at his dad like acid. A guilt no bottle of booze could ever erase. He knew that from personal experience. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

  “Because I didn’t want you to think less of your mama for leaving you. Because you were just a kid and I wanted to protect you from the truth.”

  The only protection his father had afforded him since his mother’s death. “I swear I wish I’d stayed home from camp that summer,” he said when regret came calling again. “Maybe then I could’ve changed Mom’s mind.” Question was, would that have been fair? On one hand, he wanted to blame Ben for not fighting harder for his wife’s survival. On the other, he understood why his mother had chosen to take back her control by ending her life, even if he didn’t necessarily agree with it. Even if knowing what she’d done cut to the core of his soul.

  His dad’s burden had been a lot to bear, and he worried that burden might prevent him from getting help so he could get better. “I understand that what you went through with Mom was rough, but it’s time to get back on track. Buck’s going to tell you about the local AA meetings and I’m going to make sure you stay off the stuff, even if I have to police you every day.” Hell, he didn’t have any better way to spend his time. “If I let you out today, do you think you can go back into the house and not want to return to your old ways?”

  “I don’t want you to let me out. I want to serve my time.”

  He hadn’t anticipated that would be his father’s response. “That could be weeks spent in a cell, Dad.”

  “Maybe so, but I’ll be sober.”

  And he could be avoiding reality. “You can’t hide from your problems forever by staying locked up. You’re going to have to face them eventually, unless you decide to become a permanent resident here.”

  “Nope, just long enough to get my head on straight so I can find a steady job. I imagine Buck will let me out for the meetings. And you can bring Rachel to visit me. I miss seeing that little gal.”

  He didn’t have the heart—or maybe the guts—to tell his dad they weren’t together anymore. “I’ll let her know you’re here, but it’ll be up to her if she wants to visit.”

  “Is she having a tough time over losing the baby?”

  He was surprised Ben even remembered that. “Yeah, a real tough time.”

  “I know how she feels, but Rachel’s a strong lady. She’ll get through this. And someday you two will have the young ’un you deserve.”

  Matt didn’t feel he deserved a damn thing, let alone another child. “We’ll have to see about that.”

  “You should see to it and soon. I tell you right now, I’ve done a lot of bad things over the years, but you’re not one of them. Thank you for being a good son and hangin’ in there with your old man. I love you, boy.”

  It all came back to Matt then, the father Ben used to be. The father he could be again if he stayed sober. Now that the secret was out, he hoped that might finally be the case. “You’re welcome, and I love you, too, Dad.”

  It occurred to him that everyone had secrets, to protect others or to protect themselves. He’d revealed most of his own, but he still had one left to disclose. An important secret that could be the answer to winning back his wife. But when it came down to it, Rachel might not allow him the opportunity.

  Nothing better than commiserating with people who personally know the hell you’ve been through.…

  When Matt recalled Buck’s recent statement, he racked his brain for information that Rachel had given him about the support group. He remembered Trimble Oaks Community Center one county over, Monday-night meetings. He wasn’t sure about the time, but he’d do his best to find out.

  He took a quick check of his watch and realized he had little time to spare or to prepare. He had no idea if Rachel had made it back to town, and if she had, if she’d even be there. No clue what he would say or if he’d say anything at all. Maybe he’d just listen and learn and someday be able to talk about those last few moments, the ones he’d barely been able to think about, much less voice. Regardless, he needed to do this not only for Rachel, but for himself.

  Tonight could prove to be his salvation…or his ultimate downfall.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  AFTER ARRIVING A few minutes early, Rachel set her folding chair in the center of the room, facing the chair reserved for the facilitator. Other participants soon joined her, taking their places beside her and behind her, a random seating configuration that symbolized the chaos their life had become. Some couples came together, others came alone, as she always did. Some attended on a regular basis, others had come once or twice and moved on. In this particular refuge, social status, race or background didn’t matter. They were all connected by one common goal—to restore some normality in their lives after losing a loved one.

  During her tenure, Rachel had learned a lot about navigating the grief process, that it could be a dance—two steps forward, three steps back. She’d also learned that no two people grieved the same, and hearts mended at differing rates, some slow, some never, she supposed. She’d discovered she could come here and laugh without feeling guilty. She could cry without fear of judgment. She could speak or simply listen. Tonight she was in a listening mood, and crying certainly wasn’t out of the question.

  While waiting for everyone to settle in, she opened her journal across her lap and began jotting down her thoughts about the past few days. She recorded her feelings over her father’s revelation and the tenuous state of her marriage.

  She glanced up to see April, the fortysomething leader of the group, take her seat. “Welcome, everyone,” she began. “We’ll start tonight’s meeting with sharing time. Everyone will have the opportunity to talk openly for five minutes before we move on to the next person. As always, I request that you withhold all comments and suggestions until cross-discussion. Rachel, you’re first.”

  She could think of so many things she could share. She simply didn’t have the energy or enough time to share them all. “I went away for the weekend and saw a few old friends. I did manage to talk about what happened to Caleb without completely falling apart. I consider that good progress.” Even if the relationship with her husband had deteriorated. “That’s all.”

  April smiled before she moved on to the woman seated next to Rachel. “Nancy, how about you?”

  Rachel found herself unable to concentrate on the discourse surrounding her as others spoke about their recent trials and minor victories. Her thoughts kept going back to the last conversation with Matt, the hurtful words and accusations. The pain in his eyes before he walked out the door. She needed to make amends. She needed to tell him she was pregnant. She’d do that tomorrow, when she’d had a good night’s sleep and had fewer thoughts cluttering her mind.

  “We have a new member tonight,” April said, regaining Rachel’s attention. “Could you introduce yourself and tell us a little about why you’re here?”
r />   “My name is Matt, and I lost my newborn son a few months ago.”

  Rachel gripped the pen so hard she thought it might snap in two. She’d recognize the voice without knowing the name. Without even looking.

  She had no idea what he would say or if he’d say anything else. It didn’t matter. She was grateful that he’d come. That he was making an effort, though she questioned why he had.

  “We’re listening, Matt,” April encouraged him. “Feel free to say as much or as little as you’d like.”

  Rachel ventured a glance over her shoulder to see Matt had his head lowered, his hands tightly clasped on his thighs. She faced forward and waited for what would come next. Prayed she might finally know what had happened to Matt that morning.

  “He was born in a county hospital that wasn’t equipped to handle premature infants,” he continued. “The air ambulance had been delayed for some reason. A multi-vehicle accident on the freeway, I think they said. The medical staff tried to help him, but he was too sick. After they told me there wasn’t any hope, a nurse brought me a chair and asked me if I wanted to hold him. As much as I wanted to refuse and get away from there as fast as I could, I didn’t want my son to die in the hands of strangers. I owed his mother that much. I owed him that much.”

  Rachel’s tears began to fall like raindrops on the journal’s pages as Matt went on. “After she handed him to me, she told me what would happen next, that he would stop breathing first, then his heart would stop beating. I placed my hand over his chest and I remember thinking how little he was. But he looked perfect. He had dark hair like his mom and a dimple in his chin like his granddad.”

  He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I talked to him about what I’d teach him, like how to carve a horse out of an old piece of wood and how to rope a calf. I said we’d have to sneak that one past his mom.”

  He laughed then. A small, sad laugh that packed a powerful emotional punch. “I called him ‘buddy,’ like my dad used to call me. I told him I’d take him fishing down at the pond and I’d show him how to throw a curveball. And even when I realized his heart had stopped, I kept talking to him. I needed him to know that his life meant something, no matter how brief it might have been. I told him how much his mother wanted him and how much she loved him. I told him I loved him, too.”