The Only Man for Her Read online

  She was just full of surprises. “Then go back to school. No one’s stopping you, least of all me. I’ll support you in whatever you do.”

  She frowned as if she expected an argument from him. “I don’t want to go back to school, at least not in the immediate future.”

  Of course she didn’t. “Whatever you want.”

  “I want you to answer another question.”

  “Shoot.” He prepared for the impact.

  “Why didn’t you touch me after we lost the baby?”

  This was a lot deeper than discarded dreams and shoes and deceased dogs. “I swear I wanted to touch you, Rachel, but you acted like you didn’t want me near you. I was damned if I did, damned if I didn’t.”

  “But you didn’t even try.”

  She had him on that one. “Maybe I was afraid I’d hurt you or that you’d take it the wrong way.”

  Tears began to pool in her dark eyes. “Did it ever occur to you that I just needed you to hold me? Did you ever consider that maybe I blamed myself for Caleb’s death?”

  He wanted to hold her now, but worried she’d turn him away again. This time, the need to comfort her overshadowed his fear of rejection. He rounded the island and pulled her into his arms, and amazingly she didn’t pull away. She just laid her cheek against his chest, her tears dampening the front of his shirt. “I’d never blame you, sweetheart. Like the doctor told us, the preeclampsia is sometimes undetectable until the problems set in. You had no way of knowing what was going on.”

  She raised her tearstained faced, sheer sorrow in her eyes. “Life is so unfair sometimes. One moment everything’s fine, then in the next, babies are born too soon and good people come down with incurable diseases. I don’t understand it at all.”

  He had a feeling she wasn’t referring to only losing their son and that her anger only partially had to do with their problems. Determined to get to the bottom of her meltdown, he took her by the hand, led her to the sofa and brought her down beside him. “What’s really going on here, Rachel?”

  She leaned over, pulled a tissue from the holder on the end table and wiped her eyes. “It’s Judge Jack. Helen told me he’s been diagnosed with early-stage Alzheimer’s.”

  That explained a lot, and it also made him sick inside. “How long have they known this?”

  “Since last November. He started to forget names when he performed weddings. That’s when Helen became suspicious, and rightfully so. The judge never forgets a name or face, especially when it comes to the couples he marries.”

  He pulled her closer. “You’re right. It’s not fair at all. Jack doesn’t deserve this and neither does Helen.”

  She leaned her head against his shoulder. “And you didn’t deserve my outburst. I’m sorry.”

  Her up-and-down attitude was akin to a nonstop roller-coaster ride. One minute, she hated the sight of him. The next, she was apologizing. She’d had her moody moments in the past, particularly when she’d been pregnant, but nothing like this. “No apology necessary. I probably did deserve it.”

  “I handled it poorly. I really did want to get all of those issues out in the open, but in a much more civil and logical manner. I was just feeling so bad about Jack, and I was so angry over the circumstance.”

  “I’m glad you told me what’s been bothering you. Especially the part about going back to school. I think it’s a great idea.”

  She tensed. “I can’t even consider that now.”

  “What’s stopping you? We have the money and now I have someone to manage the office. Seems to me it’s the perfect time for you to go for it.”

  “I’ll think about it.” She straightened and shifted to face him. “Look, I’ve just told you what’s been bothering me. Now it’s your turn. Don’t hold back.”

  He could add one more of his faults to the list—he’d been keeping something important from her for months. But that couldn’t be handled in a simple conversation or with a catalog of his shortcomings.

  First, he wanted to let her know how much she meant to him, rebuild the marriage foundation. Win her back before he begged her forgiveness. “Let me think. I hate it when you come into the office and smile at me, because I can’t concentrate at work. And I really hate it when you feel like you have to wear makeup, because you’re beautiful without it. And let’s not forget your habit of putting down the seat when I forget and you never complain about it. That really drives me nuts.”

  She smiled. “Are you making fun of me?”

  He pushed aside a strand of hair from her cheek. “I’m trying to say that I don’t expect you to be perfect. When I married you for better or worse, I meant it.”

  “You’ve definitely seen me at my worst.”

  “Your worst is better than most people’s best.”

  “Now I feel really awful for giving you grief.”

  He brought her back against his side and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Don’t feel bad. You said what needed to be said. At least now I know if I put your shoes up, you might cut off my hands or something else.”

  “I promise I won’t do that ‘something else’ part. That would clearly be a waste.”

  “Glad you think so, ma’am.”

  She yawned and stretched her arms above her head. “I don’t know why I’m so tired. I slept better last night than I have in a long time.”

  So had he. Better than he’d slept in a year. “It was fairly late when we got to bed, and we did get up early.”

  “You’re right. I could use a nap.”

  “So could I.” When she opened her mouth as if she might protest, he added, “Before you start questioning my motives, I mean a nap as in sleep. In fact, we can sleep right here on this old sofa like we used to.” Not the best alternative to the other naps they took in the bed, minus the nap. But it would have to do.

  “That sounds like a good plan,” she said as she stood. “I’ll be right back.”

  After Rachel left the den, Matt opened the windows flanking the fireplace to let in some cool mountain air and then fed Rachel’s favorite classical CD into the player. Normally he’d turn on the TV to watch a baseball game or opt for country music, but he wanted this entire trip to be about her and for her.

  He sat on the edge of the sofa to pull off his boots before stretching out on his back. A few minutes later, Rachel returned wearing a pair of ragged sweats that rode low enough to reveal her navel and a thin white tank top with no bra.

  She had him at an unfair advantage, but he was bent on proving to her that he could maintain control—unless she made the first move. Then all bets were off.

  To make room for her, he scooted over as far as he could. She settled beside him, her head tucked between his jaw and shoulder, one arm loosely draped across his belly.

  “Comfortable?” he asked.

  “Very. Are you?

  Not exactly. “I’m okay, although I’m thinking we should trade in this couch for one of those suede sectionals. We’d have more room that way.”

  When she didn’t respond, he realized he’d offered up a future plan when their future in this cabin, and together, was still in jeopardy. But she hadn’t even mentioned packing, so he took that as a hopeful sign. Or maybe he was just fooling himself.

  “Matt?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I know you’re avoiding all the things about me that bug you, but I need to know in order to correct them. It’s only fair.”

  He could think of a few things, none of them all that significant. “When you’re not always right, but never in doubt or you make us late because you can’t choose an outfit, I always consider one thing. Putting up with your habits wouldn’t be nearly as bad as waking up every morning without you beside me.”

  She framed his jaw with her palm and kissed him softly. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  She laid her cheek back on his chest. “For being you. And for being such a fabulous diplomat.”

  Diplomacy had nothing to do with it. He�
�d told her the absolute truth this time. He really didn’t know how he would survive if she was gone for good. He didn’t want to find out.

  * * *

  RACHEL AWOKE TO find Matt gone. She sat up on the sofa and waited for the haze to clear so she could regain her bearings. The ribbons of light streaming into one window were dimmer now, indicating sunset was approaching. How long had she slept? When had she fallen asleep? She remembered Matt’s wonderful words followed by silence, the soothing strokes of his fingertips against her bare arm and then closing her eyes. He’d always been good at lulling her into a state of oblivion, with or without lovemaking.

  Her favorite Rachmaninoff concerto played softly from the overhead speakers. Clearly he had thought of everything to please her, right down to saying all the right things. Or had he only said what he thought she’d wanted to hear?

  Her mind was cluttered with confusion and the occasional glimmer of hope. But she couldn’t let herself believe all would be right until he accepted the news about the baby. And speaking of that, she realized she hadn’t eaten anything since she’d choked down the muffin Helen had given her.

  On her way to the kitchen, the sound of hammering sent her straight to the front window. She peered outside to find her missing husband repairing a section of fence that bordered the drive. She should have known he wouldn’t stay still for long. He’d always been the kind of man who couldn’t remain idle. He liked using his hands, and he could use them very well, particularly on her. Only one more thing she loved about him.

  She prepared a plate with apples and cheese, plus a few crackers. Not the most substantial snack, but it would have to do until dinner. And with Matt playing carpenter, who knew when that would be?

  After she finished eating, Rachel noticed the hammering had stopped, prompting her to look out the window again to see if Matt might be coming inside. Instead, she found him leaning against the porch’s railing talking on his cell. His serious expression told her something was up, and it might not be good.

  Without regard to her bare feet, she padded onto the front porch and waited for him to finish the call.

  “Okay, just let me know,” he said. “And thanks.”

  After he pocketed the phone, she approached him cautiously, half expecting him to tune her out. “Problems?”

  He rubbed the back of his neck with his palm. “Yeah, you could say that. It’s my dad.”

  “What’s wrong with him?” Aside from his obvious alcoholism.

  He pushed off the railing. “If you want to take a walk with me, I’ll explain.”

  Miracle of miracles, he wasn’t closing her out. “Sure. I’ll be right back.”

  Rachel hurried inside, re-dressed in her sweatshirt and sneakers and practically sprinted out the door and down the porch steps. She met Matt at the top of the drive where a break in the fence led to a familiar path that snaked through the woods. A path they’d explored many times before. She was extremely pleased when he took her hand as they started forward, reminiscent of better days and better times.

  Surrounded by the scent of pine and sheltered by a canopy of trees, they traveled several yards until they reached the clearing containing two ancient fallen logs. They’d deemed it their magical place because they’d made plenty of magic there, lying on a blanket beneath the stars, making love sometimes until dawn.

  Matt guided her to the makeshift bench, where they sat side by side. The temptation to prod him for answers nearly overwhelmed her, yet she opted to wait for him to talk.

  He leaned forward, arms resting on his knees, hands laced together. “Chase called this morning while you were gone. My dad’s in jail on a drunk-and-disorderly charge.”

  She was stunned he hadn’t insisted they return immediately to Placid. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

  “Because I didn’t want to bother you with his problems. You’ve had to deal with that too much as it is.”

  “I know, but he’s still my father-in-law and I worry about him, too.” She could also see a premature end to their time together. “Do we need to head back?”

  He shook his head. “No. I’m not bailing him out this time.”

  Another shocking piece of news. Countless times she’d asked him to consider that, and each time he’d refused. “Are you sure you’re okay with that?”

  He sent her a sideways glance before returning his gaze to the ground. “I wasn’t at first because the drying-out process can be dicey. But Chase assures me he’s under medical supervision. He called a minute ago to report it’s been pretty tough on the old man, but he’s hanging in there.”

  She touched his arm. “You know, it’s a good thing you have broad shoulders. You’ve had to carry a lot of weight in your lifetime with your mom and your dad and, of course, me.”

  He gave her a meaningful look. “Not you. If anything, you’ve carried me quite a bit during our marriage.”

  She’d always thought of Matt as the strong one. The cornerstone of the marriage. “I’ve never felt as if I have.”

  “Believe me, you have,” he said. “You pushed me to get my bachelor’s in three years.”

  “We pushed each other,” she reminded him.

  “Yeah, but I couldn’t have made it through the entrance exam without you.”

  “And I couldn’t have made it through those awful science courses without you.”

  “Don’t forget I took you away from your dad and dragged you all the way out here for four years while I finished vet school.”

  She hooked her arm through his. “But those were good times. Hard, but good. Besides, you had it much worse than I did with the hour commute every day into Knoxville. I only had a thirty-minute drive into Gatlinburg.”

  “Where you had to work in that damn ski shop for that jerk Grimsly so we could make ends meet.”

  She’d almost forgotten about that lecher. “I suppose that makes us even. But we did end up with the cabin as our reward. I’ve always believed fate had a hand in you choosing this place for our honeymoon and then to have it available for rent during those four years. That was a godsend.”

  “If you hadn’t been so persistent with Harvey Minor, we might never have had the opportunity to buy it. You underestimate your powers of persuasion.”

  That had been the first and only time he’d let her use her trust fund for a major purchase. “I just couldn’t stomach the thought of letting the place go after you finished school.” The thought of doing that now made her heart ache. The thought of letting Matt go was even more painful.

  When he fell silent again, Rachel suspected his thoughts had returned to the present. “Are you sure you don’t want to go check on Ben? We could always come back some other weekend.” Now she sounded as if she might be buying time.

  He straightened and took her hand again. “I came here to be with you at least until tomorrow, and that’s what I intend to do.”

  He’d slipped up and clearly didn’t realize it. But she couldn’t judge him, considering she’d actually planned the same thing. “I thought we came to the cabin to pack up our belongings.”

  “I was prepared to do that,” he said. “But only if I had to. I’ve been hoping we might not need to.”

  Rachel wasn’t sure how to answer. “Well, we obviously haven’t done any packing, but I’m not sure we can rule it out yet. I’d say we’ll know for sure by tomorrow evening.”

  He sent her a half smile. “Then I might’ve brought that pile of boxes for no reason?”

  “Could be.”

  His grin arrived full force. “That’s the best news I’ve heard in a long time.”

  She hoped he was as enthusiastic over the other news she needed to tell him. Had it not been for his father’s current predicament, she might have decided to make the disclosure now. “Thank you for choosing to stay here with me.”

  His expression went suddenly somber. “I chose you to be my life partner, so why stop choosing you now? I’ll always choose you.”

  One of the sweetes
t things he’d ever said to her. Little by little she’d begun to believe he did still love her. Perhaps she’d been wrong to ever doubt him. Wrong to doubt they could move past the tragedy that had threatened to tear them apart.

  She leaned over and kissed him for the second time today, with every intention of keeping it light. Then Matt kissed her back. Really kissed her the way he used to do when they were so wrapped up in each other. Before kisses became simple shows of affection, a predictable habit or a prelude to lovemaking. A kiss for the sake of kissing.

  Rachel acknowledged this could lead to more if she didn’t put a stop to it. She didn’t want to stop, even when Matt slid his hand beneath the back of her sweatshirt and caressed her bare flesh with his calloused hand. Even when he pressed her closer until they were completely flush against each other.

  Matt broke away first and tipped his forehead against hers. “We should probably head back to the house before this gets out of hand.”

  Truth was, she didn’t care if it got out of hand. She still wanted him. Needed him, even. But what would the return to intimacy cost her with so much still left unsaid? She leaned back and tugged at the shirt’s hem. “It’s almost dinnertime. I bought steaks, and after we eat, we can talk some more.”

  “I have a better idea,” he said. “We can grab a bite at the diner, then go to the rec hall to see our old friends. Maybe even do a little dancing.”

  How easy it would be to say yes, but their time together was limited. “We still have a lot to cover before Monday morning.”

  He released a rugged sigh. “Can’t we take one night to forget all our troubles and just be together?”

  Their troubles were too severe to disregard, but she was sorely tempted to agree. One carefree night spent with her husband certainly couldn’t hurt. They both deserved that much.

  CHAPTER TEN

  THE MINUTE RACHEL WALKED into the Wayhurst Community Center with Matt, she noticed the place was a little less crowded than normal. But prime tourist season was still a month away, when the transient population nabbed the rental cabins. Most of the regulars were there, the seniors who’d chosen Smoky Mountain retreats over Miami beachfront condos. By their standards, she and Matt were equivalent to teenagers. Sometimes she wished they still were. Life had been much simpler back then.